Sarah Jenna Jayne Talks: Chronic Illness
Today I am handing my blog over the lovely Sarah of sarahjennajayne.com. One of the amazing things about blogging is sometimes you come across people who you resonate with on different levels. Both me and Sarah have more in common than just a name, in fact our daily fight is against in some instance the same chronic conditions. So when she said she would like to guest post on her fight, I was thrilled to give her some space.
The physical symptoms of chronic conditions, your whole life, your body, against you. Everything as you knew it, being flipped on its head. Knowing your life will never ever be the same again, you all of a sudden can’t picture your future the way you did before.
That is what hurts your heart the most when you are first taken ill, isn’t it?
No, it’s not.
Well, it wasn’t for me anyway. You see, I wasn’t diagnosed with anything for a long time. I had no idea that the sickness inside of me was incurable. I still believed the doctors would find out what was wrong and then ‘fix me’.
So, here’s what hurt me the most, why I sunk into a pit of depression.
What caused the most damage to my mental health?
The people I loved.
The only people in the world who I would expect to protect me…
I wasn’t getting any better, I also wasn’t getting any answers. It took so little time for them my ‘loved ones’ to turn on me.
To accuse me of lying.
I spent most of my time in hospitals. Appointments consisted of medical professionals treating me like a hypochondriac.
Someone who was merely wasting their time.
I would leave feeling overwhelmed, devastated, degraded and humiliated.
It wasn’t taken into consideration by anyone that I was actually terrified because I really was sick and I didn’t know why.
I had nowhere to turn, most of my family had all turned their backs on me and my friends were ‘too busy’.
Do you know how it feels to be completely alone? To feel like everyone around you hates you? I really hope you don’t.
I stopped seeing my family, I knew what was said as soon as my back was turned.
The truth is, there is still to this day, a huge wedge between myself and those who share my blood.
I guess in a way, I don’t really blame them. After all, how can you understand something you can’t see. How can you believe something you don’t feel is possible?
Although, in all honesty, I can’t say I wouldn’t have enjoyed them choking on their own venom.
Looking back on it now after all these years, my heart still kind of breaks.
But you know what? Despite it all, I’ve never been stronger.
It’s human nature to be drawn to others of our kind, this instinct pushes us to build and become part of a unit. It makes us feel more powerful and safe.
Losing the safety net of family, of my ‘unit’ was a life-changing experience, it taught me what I’m capable of.
It showed me that I didn’t need anyone to stand by my side and hold my hand.
In fact, I don’t need anyone’s hand, believe me, I can save myself.
It’s ironic, isn’t it? Those who do everything in their power to destroy me turned out to be the ones who saved me.
If my life goes down in flames again? I won’t be scared of the fire, I can and I will damn well walk through it.
That inner strength, the raw, powerful animalistic part deep inside of you? It has the power to survive, to protect yourself, to face your fears and pull yourself up when you hit the ground. It’s inside all of us, you just have to let it loose.
About the Author:
Sarah is a blogger who runs sarahjennajayne.com. She focuses primarily on chronic illness and mental health. Sarah also shares some of the embarrassing parts of her personal life when she’s feeling brave!
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I handle commitment hearings for involuntary stays at hospital mental health wards. I give a lot of credit to the people who support and care for people inflicted with these medical conditions. Kudos to those who get the help and treatment they need to deal with mental illness too!
So sorry to hear about the bad experiences you have gone through in your life and especially with your family. I hope in you sharing your plight with everyone, its helping others out there in your same situation
What an awful experience. Hope things are better for you, I think sharing experiences like this helps everyone especially you!
well done – theres only 2 ways you can go after experiences like this – feel proud of what youve achieved – i know i do !!
Thank you! It took a while but I certainly got there in the end. Looking back on my life I certainly am proud of how far I have come despite the obstacles I’ve faced xx
I am so sorry you have had such a difficult time, but hopefully things are looking brighter for you now
Thank you. They certainly are! Ive learnt to always trust my instincts and to not let others dictate the way I feel xx
I’m sorry you had to experience this and without the help of your loved ones. But I’m glad that you overcame it.
Thank you. It wasn’t easy but I got there and I’m a lot stronger because of it. xx
Sorry to hear this. It’s awful when you can’t turn to family. They are supposed to be the people you can turn to no matter what.
That was exactly my thoughts during this experience. It certainly made it that little bit harder to move on from. It made me feel that I must of been the problem xx
So sorry that your family has turned their backs on you. I have had some of the same things happen to me. Hugs
Oh no! I’m so sorry to hear that you too have experienced this! It truly is heartbreaking and my heart goes out to you. xx
Writing about this and sharing about your experience helps a lot. Some people can relate and this article may be able to give them a boost to think more positive.
Thank you. That is exactly what I’m hoping for by sharing my experiences no one should feel alone and if I can stop one person from feeling that way I will be happy xx
I was raised by my grandmother, who had a chronic health issue. She would even be confronted by people at the store demanding to know why she had a disability permit. It’s tough having an ‘invisible’ disease and dealing with chronic pain etc.
I’m so sorry your grandmother had these experiences. Sadly she is not alone. It must of been awful for her and very distressing for you to witness. People can be cruel and I’m so sorry for that xx
I have had some really frustrating things happen with my body. Some diagnosed, others still unknown. Either way, chronic illness is for the birds.
Must be heartbreaking to go it alone 🙁 My mummy wishes she had that inner strenght to call upon sometimes x
What a lot of people don’t seem to realise is that we all have that inside of us. We just have to find it. xx
I read somewhere that your circle are the people who stand up for you no matter what. If they don’t do that, they aren’t in your circle. Keep looking, they are out there.
Very very true! It was a heartbreaking experience learning that those who share my blood wasn’t those people xx
I’m sorry that you struggle from chronic illness. I have something minor and I know the frustration of doctors not believing that there is nothing wrong with you. I hope that you’re able to get through everything! You are unbelievably strong!
Thank you! I have been incredibly lucky and found a fantastic doctor who really does go above and beyond to help me. I now have no idea how I coped before him! xx
Some of us can only imagine what you have been through and sometimes words don’t do it justice. Thanks for sharing and for being strong.
Thank you thats a really lovely comment. When I write about things like this I always read back later and think of things I wish I said. I find it difficult to fully express myself as I often get emotional thinking about it. xx
I am so sorry to hear about this, but I know where you are coming from. I had anxiety for several years and wouldn’t tell anyone. Not even my hubby. I just lived with it and was able to hide it. Until my body almost shut down. And only after finding out that my eating habits were causing my problems, my life is so much better and no more anxiety. I only pray for you to have a complete recovery
I’m so pleased to hear you no longer suffer with anxiety! I completely understand where you are coming from when you said you hid it from everyone around you. It can be hard to explain something you don’t understand fully yourself xx
I could definitely see how YOUR depression could affect the ones you love around you – because you take out your hurt on them!
So sorry that you had to experience this. I hope those who doubted you feel guilt and will treat people differently in the future.
Thank you so much for your comment! Some of them have felt guilt others have just put a lot of distance between us because they didn’t want to have to apologise. It’s been a tough learning curve but it’s taught me a lot! Xx
So sorry that you had to experience this. I hope those who doubted you feel guilt and will treat people differently in the future.
Sarah, I’m so sorry that you had to go through this. It’s so hard when doctors and family members do not give you the support in guidance that’s needed.
Thank you! I have now found a really fantastic doctor who I’m so grateful for! He really has done so much for me! Xx
I imagine this would be difficult to go through. I try to always be there for people going through this. I just remind them I’m here when they need me.
Honestly you have no idea how wonderful that is. Thank you for being there for people when they go through these things. It really is a hellish time and you being there for them will mean the world xx
Sara, I’m so sorry that you had to go through this. It’s so hard when doctors and family members do not give you the support in guidance that’s needed.
How heartbreaking and sad to not have any family or friends to turn to and just talk too. Doctors can be the worse so keep searching for one that can help.
I have been lucky enough to find a brilliant doctor, before I found him it was honestly a nightmare. I am so happy now I have found him. Sadly, I have lost a lot of friends and even family members but in a way I’m glad. After seeing their true colours I wouldn’t want them around anyway xx
Oh, Sarah! I can’t imagine how broken your heart must have felt. I’m so glad that you came out of it stronger… very often that type of thing can break someone. xxx
Thank you, in all honesty I did let it break me for a while. It really mucked around with my mental health. For a long time I felt guilty, ashamed and like Every one hated me and I wasn’t worthy of well anything to be honest. Even now I have had days. The thing to remember is the way people treat you is about them not you they are the problem. Xx
What an awful experience she had with the people she loved and the medical stuff. I like what she said that she won’t be scared of the fire next time if thing flipped again.
It was a really rubbish time for me but coming out the other side of it was fantastic. The lessons I learnt will be something I can carry with me and use for the rest of my life. It’s changed me and my outlook a lot and hopefully that will help me in the future xx