Why Is Asking for Help So Hard?

I’ve never been good at asking for help.

I’d love to say it’s something I’ve got better at over the years, especially as I’ve had to accept that there are more things I physically can’t do myself now.

I haven’t.

If anything, needing more help has made it harder in some ways because I still feel like I should be able to do everything myself.

Even when I quite clearly can’t.

I’ll Just Do It Myself

There isn’t really one particular type of help I struggle to ask for.

It’s everything.

I don’t like asking someone to do something around the house, pass me something, help when I’m out or even asking for emotional support.

I’ll struggle with something for far longer than I should rather than ask someone else to do it. Normally until I end up frustrated and upset.

And yes, I am absolutely someone who will say, “It’s fine, I’ll do it” when it quite clearly isn’t fine.

It’s Easier If You’re Already There

If there’s anyone I can ask for help, it’s Ash.

Even then, I find it easier if he’s already doing something.

If he’s in the kitchen and I need some water, for example, I can think, well, he’s there anyway.

Of course, he’d get me some water if he wasn’t already in the kitchen. I know that. It just feels different somehow.

Someone offering to help before I have to ask doesn’t completely solve it either. I’ll often feel guilty and frustrated with myself because I couldn’t do whatever it was on my own.

I Don’t Want to Be a Burden

I think a lot of it comes down to not wanting to feel like a burden.

I’ve always been used to dealing with things myself and sometimes I genuinely don’t know how to hand a task over to somebody else.

I’ve also had relationships in the past where asking for things could be made to feel like a problem. I think that probably made something I already struggled with even harder.

Now my health means there are days when I can’t even do some of the easiest things myself.

And I hate that.

Not because I think there’s anything wrong with needing help. I don’t.

I just feel like I should be able to do it.

I’d Never Think This About Someone Else

This is where it makes even less sense.

If someone I cared about needed help and asked me, I’d be glad they’d asked.

I wouldn’t think they were a burden. And I definitely wouldn’t want them struggling until they got upset because they didn’t want to ask me.

Yet I do exactly that myself.

I actually think asking for help is a good thing. It’s a sign that you understand and accept your limits and know when you can’t or shouldn’t do something yourself.

It’s a bit like saying no when you need to.

I know all of that.

I’m still terrible at it.

Asking for help and saying no are almost things we need to learn, when really they should be natural.

Do you find it easy to ask for help, or are you another “it’s fine, I’ll do it” person?

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