Finding My Balance with Money
I’m pretty sure l had an unhealthy obsession with money. To most people on the outside, l would say my habits were admired but to those closest to me, know differently. Money would consume my thoughts all the time.
It started when l was young, having a paper round when l was 11 – earning my £6.60 a weekend, to running a sandwich shop at the aged of 14 – opening and closing, running it single-handedly. I always had a second job until the age of 32, working my weekends. It’s only now that l have come to terms with having downtime and am at peace with relaxing and not earning.
One would consider an unhealthy relationship with money to be spending too much, being frivolous and getting into debt. I, on the other hand, was the opposite. Complete opposite. I’d wait for my monthly paycheck to squirrel the majority of it into savings. If l spent money on a holiday, a music gig, a new dress – l would instantly be finding other ways to cover the costs despite earning an average salary for London. Anxiety would cripple me at the thought of spending.
What money means to me?
When asked if l think money brings happiness, l can’t give a straight answer. I believe money brings freedom, a better quality of life (if you don’t worry as much as me!) and a feeling of security.
More and more, l was obsessing over saving money and found myself either depriving myself of treats or if l did ever spend on a holiday or an activity that is meant to bring joy, the expenditure would overshadow it. I knew things had to change, I was driving my partner mad, my best friend crazy and my head was always in conflict.
To regain my balance, l pursued many avenues, some of which gave me more anxiety as it meant parting with my hard-earned cash.
How I got back to a balanced place
Therapy
When it comes to health, it’s worth every penny to spend. It was only when l was having weekly therapy that l noticed just how much l was depriving myself and how much of my obsession was tied to security. Once l realise that, l was able to start building positive messages in my mind.
No Bull Business School – Money Manifesting course
My anxiety was at an all-time high, l had quit work and went off to pursue travelling. I didn’t take to it too well and was essentially a hot mess. The thought of not earning and spending does not sit well with me. This course came recommended to me my best friend. In fact, she insisted on it in attempt to re-programme my mind. Having a support group via Facebook and working through goal-setting and values setting made me re-evaluate and think rationally.
Affirmations
So, ironically, I threw money at my problem and it still wasn’t quite hitting the spot. Talking positively and reassuringly to myself is the one way that l have managed and still manage to reprogramme my mind, it’s all a work in progress. There is no quick fix and it will take time.
Gave myself permission
I now understand that every once in awhile, it’s okay to splurge. I give myself permission to spend and treat myself. That’s what l work hard for and shouldn’t feel guilty.
Things I’m still working on
Stop comparing myself to others
Please, if anyone has any suggestions on this, help me! This l don’t have down at all. But l know l am incredibly lucky to be where l am right now and things could be so much worse.
Being happy and content
Still continuing to remind me that l am lucky, and to not obsessively obsess over my finances which makes me so miserable.
I now stand by that being frugal doesn’t mean slashing your spending or depriving yourself of things that you enjoy. It means knowing the value of money and making every effort to spend it wisely.
These are just a few coping mechanisms or tips that helped and are still helping me to stop obsessing over money. A few weren’t so easy, especially when it came to parting the cash to seek help.
If you’re struggling whether you are an obsessive saver or spender, there is support out there, please seek it.
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I definitely need to work on a balance. I just cannot splurge!
I can relate to this raw and honest blog post, thanks for sharing your tips
I find I am very frugal and save over half of my income, I have quite a large savings pot already so don’t need to put so much away, but I feel guilty it I spend unnecessarily. I keep telling myself one day I’m going to splurge it all on a car, whether I will, who knows!
I love this post because I can relate, I too have somewhat an unhealthy relationship with money but I am working through it.
This was such an interesting read. I’ve struggled with managing money in the past and it can have such a negative impact on other aspects of your life.
I obsess over money way too much, I think because I am on a very low income due to being out of work with long term mental health issues I panic and try to over compensate by spending money i’ve not got as I think my daughters miss out because I can’t take them on holidays or days out. If I don’t have money in the bank (which is a lot) I spend hours worrying and overthinking everything..
I think no matter what situation you are in money can be such a burden
I am not very careful with money and lovely reading to about Miss Frugal.
I never really had a great relationship with money growing up but I definitely have a better balance now – I’m better at saving but still splurging every now and then x
I’m still trying to find my balance – I go through phases of being very focused and frugal and then the complete opposite.
It sounds like you have a healthier balance right now. I’m pretty frugal in general, but it is important to treat yourself sometimes. I like the security of knowing I have money in the bank for an emergency or the rare splurge that I really want.
Love how you have shared the ups and downs of becoming more balanced with money. It is definitely a long journey.
I got into so much trouble with money when I was younger that I am probably too careful now. I think it is good to treat yourself sometimes
This is such a great post. Very different from what we’re dealing with in regards to money. I love how genuine and real you are.
I learned about finances late in life but, it’s been great having balance now that I am an adult.
I’ve always been very frugal when it comes to money. I learned in high school how to budget my money so that I could save my car insurance while paying my other bills on a part-time salary. I did it and transferred it to my adult life. Even though I am nowhere I wanted to be financially I am content with my spending habits. I’ve just come out of a marriage where I was criticized and I often felt guilty for spending money on myself. Mind you, I don’t go out and spend hundreds of dollars on my hair, nails, clothing, but to be made feel guilty over spending $6.00 on hair color is ridiculous. I’m glad to be out of that mess.
YES YES YES i love this – and def think its ok to treat yourself once in a while for sure!
It is okay to treat yourself once in a while, but only spend what you can afford. Besides, things doesn’t have to be costly to make you happy.
I love accounting, budgeting and counting money. I enjoy savings more than spending. I can relate to some of what you shared here, and love the tips to help come to a healthier mindset and spot with money. I love being frugal but have been reminded to spend money when it comes to my health, as I recently was in the ER due to not wanting to spend money on health costs for doc visits. Great tips that will help others, I am sure.
You are so right about having a balance. I’m a saver but I think I have the balance right. I think planning the month ahead is a great way of knowing the things you’re doing that month including what you want to save so you know what spare money you have that you can spend on yourself x
It’s interesting to read more about someine who has been so very careful with their money rather than spending, spending, spending
My first job was delivery newspapers as well, I started at 10 or so and did it well into adulthood. It taught me the value of money and work. I saved enough money to take a trip to London while in high school.
My husband and I had different ideas on money management when we were first married. It took a while to find our balance, but we have now and it works!
Money sure can make us a little crazy, can’t it? I’m glad it seems like you’re learning to relax a little and stop obsessing about it so much. Though I do get where you’re coming from. I’m okay to spend money on others, but feel a tremendous amount of guilt when I buy something for myself.
I can relate. It took me a long time to let go and let myself splurge on myself. I still don’t do it often, but I know that it is OK and HEALTHY for me to do!
I am careful with my money. And I can be quite frugal at times. But like you, I realize it is okay to splurge now and again!