Finding My Balance with Money

I’m pretty sure l had an unhealthy obsession with money. To most people on the outside, l would say my habits were admired but to those closest to me, know differently. Money would consume my thoughts all the time.

It started when l was young, having a paper round when l was 11 – earning my £6.60 a weekend, to running a sandwich shop at the aged of 14 – opening and closing, running it single-handedly. I always had a second job until the age of 32, working my weekends. It’s only now that l have come to terms with having downtime and am at peace with relaxing and not earning.

One would consider an unhealthy relationship with money to be spending too much, being frivolous and getting into debt. I, on the other hand, was the opposite. Complete opposite. I’d wait for my monthly paycheck to squirrel the majority of it into savings. If l spent money on a holiday, a music gig, a new dress – l would instantly be finding other ways to cover the costs despite earning an average salary for London. Anxiety would cripple me at the thought of spending.

What money means to me?

When asked if l think money brings happiness, l can’t give a straight answer. I believe money brings freedom, a better quality of life (if you don’t worry as much as me!) and a feeling of security.

More and more, l was obsessing over saving money and found myself either depriving myself of treats or if l did ever spend on a holiday or an activity that is meant to bring joy, the expenditure would overshadow it. I knew things had to change, I was driving my partner mad, my best friend crazy and my head was always in conflict.

To regain my balance, l pursued many avenues, some of which gave me more anxiety as it meant parting with my hard-earned cash.

How I got back to a balanced place

Therapy

When it comes to health, it’s worth every penny to spend. It was only when l was having weekly therapy that l noticed just how much l was depriving myself and how much of my obsession was tied to security. Once l realise that, l was able to start building positive messages in my mind.

No Bull Business School – Money Manifesting course

My anxiety was at an all-time high, l had quit work and went off to pursue travelling. I didn’t take to it too well and was essentially a hot mess. The thought of not earning and spending does not sit well with me. This course came recommended to me my best friend. In fact, she insisted on it in attempt to re-programme my mind. Having a support group via Facebook and working through goal-setting and values setting made me re-evaluate and think rationally.

Affirmations

So, ironically, I threw money at my problem and it still wasn’t quite hitting the spot. Talking positively and reassuringly to myself is the one way that l have managed and still manage to reprogramme my mind, it’s all a work in progress. There is no quick fix and it will take time.

Gave myself permission

I now understand that every once in awhile, it’s okay to splurge. I give myself permission to spend and treat myself. That’s what l work hard for and shouldn’t feel guilty.

Things I’m still working on

Stop comparing myself to others

Please, if anyone has any suggestions on this, help me! This l don’t have down at all. But l know l am incredibly lucky to be where l am right now and things could be so much worse.

Being happy and content

Still continuing to remind me that l am lucky, and to not obsessively obsess over my finances which makes me so miserable.

I now stand by that being frugal doesn’t mean slashing your spending or depriving yourself of things that you enjoy. It means knowing the value of money and making every effort to spend it wisely.

These are just a few coping mechanisms or tips that helped and are still helping me to stop obsessing over money. A few weren’t so easy, especially when it came to parting the cash to seek help.

If you’re struggling whether you are an obsessive saver or spender, there is support out there, please seek it.

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