Taking Some Time for Me

Today I am handing my blog over to the lovely Tracey from One Frazzled Mum, who is here to tell you about why you should take some you time and why you shouldn't allow yourself to feel guilty about it.

Hi, I am Tracey and I blog over at One Frazzled Mum. I am a 37 year old single mum to a 13 year old daughter with a high dependency on chocolate and coffee. I have been writing here for over 5 years now and blogging has reignited my passion for writing. I wrote this post one night after berating myself for daring to take some time out to relax when I had a million and one other things I needed to be doing instead.

Taking Some Time for Me.

It’s around 8 pm. It’s a Friday night, a rather nondescript Friday night to be honest. The weather is a little unpredictable. Cold, a little wet and a storm is on the way. I’ve been home from Zumba for around 15 minutes now. I have dropped my daughter’s clothes off at her nan’s where she is staying and I have picked up a bottle of wine and a takeaway. Salt and Pepper Chicken and Chips. The usual for a Friday night in.

I finally sit down and put the tv on. My body relaxes into the me-shaped mould in my favourite spot as I flick through the Sky channels to find something to watch while I eat my food. The food I am still opening up and drinking the wine that I have generously poured into the glass. I change the channel to Sky movies, I’m not sure which one, and watch an old favourite, Geostorm. I’ve seen it many times but I am just too tired to focus on a new previously unseen film and need something I don’t have to concentrate on.

I am on day 6 of 6 am wake ups.

Of still feeling the after-effects of a weekend of busy activities and extra hours in work. I have been going in at 7 am to help a boss with a frozen shoulder. It’s been a 4 day week of school runs and packed lunches and questions relating to homework and if there is any and if so, has it been done.

A week of putting off the housework in favour of desperately trying to catch up on blog work. A week that saw the arrival of some new furniture for Olivia’s room. Something we have desperately needed since the beginning of the year. A week of exhaustion and business. Of work and parenting, disrupted sleep and early mornings.

But as I allow my relax to relax why do I feel the guilt washing over me?

You know the one. That little voice in your head saying ‘hold on, what about all those things you said you were doing tonight? What about the washing, and the dishes? The clothes you need to sort for Olivia to put away in her new wardrobe and the blog reviews that need writing? What about, what about, what about?’

Those words whirred around and around in my head as I sipped (gulped) my wine and hungrily devoured my takeaway food before it went cold.  ‘You have so much to should you really be sitting here doing nothing?’ It never ends does it? The mute button seems to be broken on that nagging voice in my head. the one that loves telling me of all my failings and of all of the things I should be doing instead of eating, drinking and listening to the end of the world film blaring from my tv.

But that night, the voice went ignored.

That voice didn’t have my best interests at heart. And of all the things I wanted to listen to on my Friday night, that voice came way below literally everything else I could think of to listen to. But why is it there?

The washing could be done another day, there was nothing I needed to be cleaned urgently. The dirty dishes and messy bedroom could be tackled another day. So why was I still feeling like a failure because I wasn’t dedicating every second of my child-free time to clean my house before my child came home the next day? Why?

Don’t we have enough pressure on ourselves from literally everywhere else without subjecting ourselves to it from inside our very own heads? You can’t pour from an empty jug. If you have nothing left inside you to give to squeeze out, where do you stop? Where do you draw the line and say no! Enough is enough?

Self-care is becoming something more and more of us are talking about and less of us are practising. Self-care isn’t booking a night away or purposely going out of your way to make time for yourself. It is more than that but also less at the same time. It is about us, all of us, individually.

It is saying no, I am taking this time for me now.

I needed to take the time to fill my jug and recharge my batteries. Whether it is 10 mins before the school run pick-up to sit down with a cup of tea or an hour-long indulgent bath. You can’t be the best you if you have no more of you to give. We need to stop being so hard on ourselves and trying to be perfect and do it all, all of the time and do what is best for our physical and mental health.

So whether you are that single mum who has been up all night with a child that just won’t sleep and are taking 5 minutes to cry in the kitchen into your 5th coffee of the day whilst your child is absorbed in their favourite tv show, or you are using your alone time to indulge yourself with your favourite show and a slice of cake. Do it. Take the time and look after you. Be kind to yourself.

My jobs? They got done the next morning.

All of them. I ate the food, drank the wine and watched the film. I fell asleep before 10.30 and was awoken by the wind and rain at 6.30 am. After a deep (and alcohol-induced) 8 hour sleep.

All those jobs I felt bad for not doing the night before, were swiftly taken care of before my 11 am shift at work. I even managed to clean the under sink cupboard and shoe unit. All floors got hoovered brushed and mopped and as I sit here writing this post the night after, my house is spotless. I am finishing off the wine having fed myself and my daughter. That nagging voice is still here telling me I should really get all of our uniforms washed and ironed for Monday, but you know what, it can wait. It is waiting, until the morning. Because whilst I am still technically working as I sit once more in my favourite spot on the sofa writing this post. My daughter is upstairs watching god only know what and right now I am watching Ninja Warrior UK because I know filling my jug is more important than rushing to have our clothes cleaned right now. Because self-care is important. Not just to me but to all of us.

Because you do deserve it. We all deserve it.

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