My Mental Health at Christmas
A lot of people find that they have difficulties with their mental health at Christmas for many different reasons.
Of late I find I miss my aunt and Granny so much over the festive season. I miss seeing their smiling faces, the delight at having family gatherings and spending time together.
We would always spend Christmas together.
However for as long as I can remember I’ve found Christmas a very difficult time of year. Way back into my teens, I remember lying on my bed and crying, telling my parents I didn’t want to celebrate Christmas.
I can’t put my finger on why. There’s no real reason which jumps out and shouts at me, yes this is why I find Christmas hard.
For a while, I thought it was because everywhere shuts down and it’s not because I want to go out, but because I can’t. Cabin fever per se.
Then I thought perhaps it was because of all of the hype – all your friends and family speaking of nothing else in the run-up to Christmas and then suddenly it’s gone.
You almost feel pressured to enjoy it, as everyone looks forward to it all year. Or, it feels that way at least.
There’s nothing left, no Christmas cheer, it has all finished for the next year.
Maybe it could be social anxiety. Christmas parties, family members that you don’t often see apart from over the Christmas period, this could all lead to mental health problems as it feels overwhelming.
However, nothing really seems to fit the bill.
So Why Post If You Don’t Know?
I guess my reason for posting is that when it comes to mental health not everyone has a reason why they feel the way they do.
Anxiety and panic can hit for no reason, it just suddenly hits and you just can’t put your finger on the reason why.
However, the first question you will always be asked is why.
Why do you start to feel this way? What set it off? What can you do to ease the situation?
But when you don’t know, just people pressing you for answers can make it worse.
You start questioning yourself. Why don’t I know? What’s wrong with me that 1) I feel this way and 2) I don’t know why?
So my reason for posting is simple.
You don’t have to know why. Sometimes there is no rhyme or reason for mental health and that is OK.
Don’t keep digging to try and find out why as it will make things worse.
It is OK to find Christmas a hard time for no reason.
Your feelings are completely valid, no matter why you are struggling. Sometimes there are no top tips for feeling better but these coping strategies could help.
Don’t feel you can’t reach out for help because you don’t understand why you are feeling bad, you can.
My inbox is always open if you need to chat as well.
Mental Health Helplines
If you need to chat with someone, helplines open across the festive period include:
The Samaritans
Phone: 116 123
Email: jo@samaritans.org
Mind
Phone: 0300 123 3393
Text: 86463
Take care of yourself.
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The chocolate box Christmases always with happy families and snow on TV do not help when reality is so different.
It’s so hard isn’t it – it’s like we are meant to fit in a box and be happy.
Christmas is tiring for so many reasons. I have learnt as I have got older to pace myself. The main goes on my DiL and her mom now as we all get together at Christmas. Both our DiL mom and I are widowed so it makes sense to combine.
Our 2nd son, 3rd adult child has complex mental health issues and doesn’t do Christmas. He gives me money for their presents and that’s it.
No point trying to get him to join on. Tried enough over the years. Realised I’m wasting my energy and it isn’t fair oh him.
All about complying to a norm whatever normal is. Not worth it.
As he says “it’s just another day with tinsel on top”
Definitely, I think for many of us it’s just too much, we have to act happy and fun and all this and it just isn’t how we feel inside, so it can be utterly exhausting. We’ve found a good compromise with my parents, we go for a meal but it isn’t overly Christmas focused, we just have some time together which works for me.
Thank you for sharing this insightful post. I too suffer from anxiety and sometimes all it takes is for the smallest of things to set it off. I hope we get a more normalised Christmas this year, in fact I hope we get no more lockdowns at all.
It is hard wondering, isn’t it? I fear we may get another lockdown – but I definitely hope we don’t.
An insightful post. Thank you.
Thank you for posting this. I don’t enjoy Christmas. I get mad at myself for feeling the way I do and feel like I’m soiling it for others, but you’re right, sometimes there is no cut and dry reason. I think Christmas might be the next thing I tackle in my counselling. I think it’s something I need to address.
Good luck with getting to the bottom of it – this year I’ve realised I feel worse than ever, even going into somewhere with decorations in sale makes me feel on edge – so I need to do something similar I think.
A great post thank you, here’s hope of a closer to normal Christmas this year, touch wood.
Definitely, I think that will help a lot of people if it is more normal.
Great post, thank you! I often find I cope with situations that ought to make me anxious and then panic over almost nothing, so you’re absolutely right that there’s not always a clear reason.
I think it often helps others to know there is a reason, however it just makes things harder on us when people press it and there really isn’t a reason behind it all.
Christmas is a hard time, highest suicide rates, I think it reminds us of another year passing, people we miss, memories from the past. Expectations and pressures to enjoy it, it can be really hard work, as a mother I would be shattered with all the run up prep, presents, shopping, wrapping, cards to send, food prep, spend all day in the kitchen constantly catering, making a roast on the day while everyone lazes around watching tv eating and sleeping on sofa – all right for some! absolutely exhausting! I feel we have forgotten what it is really about appreciating what we have, not the modern excuse for a spending frenzy. It should be ok to just switch off and have some wind down time, do whatever you want to get through it.
Definitely – we always go to my parents for Christmas dinner and to open some presents, but it’s not such a big thing these days as they know I don’t cope. So we do a little and not a lot. I definitely agree we should all spend more time enjoying it and less time worrying about the money and presents and food.
I know what you mean, Sarah. Christmas never fills me with undiluted joy. I don’t have kids myself but have long felt that Xmas is actually for them; for adults, it’s just an excuse to overspend and overeat. It’s a time that far too many people get stressed and depressed about. For many, it’s a very sad time – the homeless, for example, the bereaved, inpatients in hospitals, those living on their own who will not have any visitors. It’s definitely not all “Hoh, hoh, hoh!”.
Definitely – perhaps if I had kids myself as well it would be different, but I don’t so.. It just seems to be a day where everyone overindulges for no reason really and so many people are left alone with nowhere to go to see someone, as everyone is home. It just doesn’t feel right to me.
Thanks for this post – sorry to hear you have had some mental health difficulties. I’ve been battling anorexia for 4 years so christmas is a very difficult time for me due to the food and diet talk post christmas. I have been working with my support worker and nurse to think of strategies and ways to cope. I really appreciate your awareness of christmas and mental health. thank you xx
I can’t imagine how hard Christmas is for you, I am glad you have a support worker, who is helping you through it. Anorexia really is such a misunderstood illness in many ways so sending your gentle hugs. xx
I enjoy Christmas because it’s all about my children, last year we spent Christmas in hospital with my boy Charlie 2 who was very poorly so hopefully this year he will be healthy
Oh bless, I hope Charlie has an amazing Christmas this year at home!
Christmas can be tough as there is a preconceived idea that everyone else is mega happy, but the reality is not the case. My daughter died recently and the first Christmas was sheer hell, xmas songs blasting out in shops, all on tv, mega happy people going on about family and kids. I spent most of the day locked in the loo crying not wanting to ruin everyone elses day. Anyway focusing on the future and the positives – I have found by doing a ‘mindfulness’ course to be the best way to deal with my sadness, depression, and even my personal health issues, I am in constant pain with Fibromyalgia. Mindfulness gives you coping tools to deal with it all. So if you are looking for a more holistic answer I can recommend mindfulness as a solution. There are books, apps for your phone, and courses.
I cannot at all imagine what it is like to not have your daughter around at Christmas I am so sorry.
I will definitely have a look at some apps I’m all for a holistic approach, yes meds help to a degree but I long ago leant for the most part I need to use my own willpower.
This is a really great post, I think it’s so important to remember that sometimes you can be depressed or anxious but there’s no reason behind it. It would be great to know as that would mean you could potentially do something to change the situation but people need to remember that if you say you don’t know that that’s normal and that’s okay
Most definitely I used to hate people asking me why because I didn’t know and that made it worse. These days most people who know me ask if I know why and then leave if it if I say no.
Christmas was tough for me growing up, so I try and make the best of it now I have kids of my own. We have a relaxing day and don’t put any pressure on to make it extra speciail
Holidays can be such a difficult time for so many. It can be a time of heartache, despair and depression. Thanks for opening up and sharing.
Yes holidays are tough on us, not only financially, mentally also. Thinking lot of things at times. Thanks for sharing your experience.
I do not think you have to “know” necessarily the why all you do know is that you are feeling this way and have identified it. When we lose a loved one the holidays can be hard to handle.
I know one of my friends really struggles at this time of year without his mum but his child seems to help him get through it. I wish I was more help
Aww I bet you are more help than you know. Sometimes just knowing a friend is near is a big thing.
Last year was a rough Christmas for me, and I know this year is not going to be any easier. This will be the 1st Christmas with out my grandmother around.
Oh I am so sorry 🙁 I wish you all the best for this Christmas, it is so hard when a loved one isn’t around.
The holidays are hard for so many people!! Christmas was my Mom’s absolute favorite holiday and ever since she passed I just can’t seem to get in the spirit.
I can’t imagine not having my parents around for Christmas, I think it will become a very hard time then 🙁 sending you good wishes.
I understand why the holidays can be difficult for some. In the past I’ve found them difficult too. It’s so important to get support where you can.
There’s such impossibly high standards for Christmas lately, like we’re all supposed to be so overly joyful and appreciative. But it actually makes me anxious. 🙁 Thanks for putting a light on mental health.
It is crazy isn’t it and each year it all seems to be starting earlier.
My mental health always takes a hit at christmas. I find it really hard missing my son but I also have to try really hard to make it special for our four children. It’s tough.
I can’t imagine what a mix of emotions you must feel at such a time of the year – gentle hugs.
Sometimes the “I don’t know” is the sign we need to check out our feelings with a professional. Sometimes it is a sign of mental exhaustion, which has a relatively easy fix. Hugs, this post is going to be very helpful to a lot of people.
Thank you – that’s a good tip – definitely worth checking in with someone who knows what they are doing!
Aw I love this post Sarah and nice to say your inbox is always open too. I miss loved ones that are no longer here and also a friend that is still here – can be tough at times. Keep your chin up xx
Thank you – it really is a hard time of year for many isn’t it.
This time of year can be so hard. And it doesn’t have to have a reason to be. Great post.
I can sure see the holidays being tough on folks, for many reasons, money, no family, no friends, and no support. Glad there is a place to call for help.
Christmas is hard for my mental health. I actually lost my dad in the days leading up to Christmas and every season I get sad.
Oh gosh what an awful time for it to have happened, I am so sorry.
I am so sorry you struggle during this time of year. I think it is great that you are aware of what triggers you and that you are working towards improving things. The fact that you are sharing this and talking about it will help you, but also others struggling as well. Thank you for sharing!
Very valuable information and honestly you are correct to not understand why you feel the way you do during the holidays. But, I also feel that you need to really analyze what’s going on so that it does not continue or get worse. Holidays are tough for many people for many different reasons. Reasons are important speaking from someone who does suffer from depression. 🙂 Great post overall.
The holiday season always stirs up my anxiety for a number of reasons. I just try to breath through it and focus on what I can control. It can be tough.
I do not subscribe to the whole You MUST Be Jolly This Time of Year. The holidays are a difficult time for so many. Mental health is such an important part of our well-being and we must take care of ourselves both mentally AND physically.
You have hit the nail on the head there I think. We THINK we need to be happy and jolly and fit in as that’s what everyone is telling us and it is hard.
For me the Christmas time can be stressful especially because our family is quite big. I do love Christmas though and so I try to go out it with a positive mental attitude. Sometimes it’s hard and I can see why people have a lot of stress.
You may be one of the only people I know who doesn’t want to celebrate during the holidays! It’s really interesting to hear this perspective as well. I personally LOVE the holidays (like a majority of the world) because I feel like everyone just get more excited and happy and nice!
Thank you for sharing this, Sarah. It is okay not to know why you feel the way you feel but at least you are acknowledging it – as you said, it could be for a variety of reasons – I do agree that it is so much hype in the lead up and then poof, just like that its gone. x
I can see how the holidays can be tough for some people. I am glad there is a hotline to help when it’s needed.
The Christmas season can be so stressful. I normally love Christmas but since my mom passed away two years ago, it’s more difficult celebrating without her. I really feel for those with mental health issues and I applaud you for sharing those help numbers so that people suffering can reach out and talk to someone.
My mom was a Christmas child and I miss celebrating her birthday on Christmas Day. Doesn’t always have be a reason it is just how you feel
I can relate this, Sarah. I suffer from anxiety and lately my depression has reared it’s ugly head again. As much as I love Christmas, I feel it puts a lots of pressure on people – financially and emotionally mainly. I lost my Dad 2 years ago and it’s just a reminder that he’s not here cos of all the lovely memories we shared this time of year. TBH, now I have my own family I probably wouldn’t have spent the day with him anyway as my extended family live up North and we moved down South. It’s not the I would have seen him anyway but the fact, that I can’t if I wanted to bothers me. I can’t really pinpoint it to one thing, it’s a cluster of little things I guess. But your right, the more you think about it the more it grows and you never get the answers just possible reasons but nothing concrete. Just gets my head in a spin! As most of us with mental health conditions will say, just take it as it comes – that’s all we can do… It’s so unpredictable x
It is hard isn’t it – it’s that feeling of what if they were here, what if I could just spend one more day with them. Christmas is such a weird time of year.
I suffered a Mental Breakdown last Xmas,and still recovering from it,hope this xmas is better for me,and you have a good one too x
I hope this Christmas brings about so many better memories for you.