My Mental Health at Christmas
A lot of people find that they have difficulties with their mental health at Christmas for many different reasons.
Of late I find I miss my aunt and Granny so much over the festive season. I miss seeing their smiling faces, the delight at having family gatherings and spending time together.
We would always spend Christmas together.
However for as long as I can remember I’ve found Christmas a very difficult time of year. Way back into my teens, I remember lying on my bed and crying, telling my parents I didn’t want to celebrate Christmas.
I can’t put my finger on why. There’s no real reason which jumps out and shouts at me, yes this is why I find Christmas hard.
For a while, I thought it was because everywhere shuts down and it’s not because I want to go out, but because I can’t. Cabin fever per se.
Then I thought perhaps it was because of all of the hype – all your friends and family speaking of nothing else in the run-up to Christmas and then suddenly it’s gone.
You almost feel pressured to enjoy it, as everyone looks forward to it all year. Or, it feels that way at least.
There’s nothing left, no Christmas cheer, it has all finished for the next year.
Maybe it could be social anxiety. Christmas parties, family members that you don’t often see apart from over the Christmas period, this could all lead to mental health problems as it feels overwhelming.
However, nothing really seems to fit the bill.
So Why Post If You Don’t Know?
I guess my reason for posting is that when it comes to mental health not everyone has a reason why they feel the way they do.
Anxiety and panic can hit for no reason, it just suddenly hits and you just can’t put your finger on the reason why.
However, the first question you will always be asked is why.
Why do you start to feel this way? What set it off? What can you do to ease the situation?
But when you don’t know, just people pressing you for answers can make it worse.
You start questioning yourself. Why don’t I know? What’s wrong with me that 1) I feel this way and 2) I don’t know why?
So my reason for posting is simple.
You don’t have to know why. Sometimes there is no rhyme or reason for mental health and that is OK.
Don’t keep digging to try and find out why as it will make things worse.
It is OK to find Christmas a hard time for no reason.
Your feelings are completely valid, no matter why you are struggling. Sometimes there are no top tips for feeling better but these coping strategies could help.
Don’t feel you can’t reach out for help because you don’t understand why you are feeling bad, you can.
My inbox is always open if you need to chat as well.
Mental Health Helplines
If you need to chat with someone, helplines open across the festive period include:
The Samaritans
Phone: 116 123
Email: jo@samaritans.org
Mind
Phone: 0300 123 3393
Text: 86463
Take care of yourself.
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The chocolate box Christmases always with happy families and snow on TV do not help when reality is so different.
It’s so hard isn’t it – it’s like we are meant to fit in a box and be happy.
Christmas is tiring for so many reasons. I have learnt as I have got older to pace myself. The main goes on my DiL and her mom now as we all get together at Christmas. Both our DiL mom and I are widowed so it makes sense to combine.
Our 2nd son, 3rd adult child has complex mental health issues and doesn’t do Christmas. He gives me money for their presents and that’s it.
No point trying to get him to join on. Tried enough over the years. Realised I’m wasting my energy and it isn’t fair oh him.
All about complying to a norm whatever normal is. Not worth it.
As he says “it’s just another day with tinsel on top”
Definitely, I think for many of us it’s just too much, we have to act happy and fun and all this and it just isn’t how we feel inside, so it can be utterly exhausting. We’ve found a good compromise with my parents, we go for a meal but it isn’t overly Christmas focused, we just have some time together which works for me.
Thank you for sharing this insightful post. I too suffer from anxiety and sometimes all it takes is for the smallest of things to set it off. I hope we get a more normalised Christmas this year, in fact I hope we get no more lockdowns at all.
It is hard wondering, isn’t it? I fear we may get another lockdown – but I definitely hope we don’t.
An insightful post. Thank you.
Thank you for posting this. I don’t enjoy Christmas. I get mad at myself for feeling the way I do and feel like I’m soiling it for others, but you’re right, sometimes there is no cut and dry reason. I think Christmas might be the next thing I tackle in my counselling. I think it’s something I need to address.
Good luck with getting to the bottom of it – this year I’ve realised I feel worse than ever, even going into somewhere with decorations in sale makes me feel on edge – so I need to do something similar I think.
A great post thank you, here’s hope of a closer to normal Christmas this year, touch wood.
Definitely, I think that will help a lot of people if it is more normal.
Great post, thank you! I often find I cope with situations that ought to make me anxious and then panic over almost nothing, so you’re absolutely right that there’s not always a clear reason.
I think it often helps others to know there is a reason, however it just makes things harder on us when people press it and there really isn’t a reason behind it all.
Christmas is a hard time, highest suicide rates, I think it reminds us of another year passing, people we miss, memories from the past. Expectations and pressures to enjoy it, it can be really hard work, as a mother I would be shattered with all the run up prep, presents, shopping, wrapping, cards to send, food prep, spend all day in the kitchen constantly catering, making a roast on the day while everyone lazes around watching tv eating and sleeping on sofa – all right for some! absolutely exhausting! I feel we have forgotten what it is really about appreciating what we have, not the modern excuse for a spending frenzy. It should be ok to just switch off and have some wind down time, do whatever you want to get through it.
Definitely – we always go to my parents for Christmas dinner and to open some presents, but it’s not such a big thing these days as they know I don’t cope. So we do a little and not a lot. I definitely agree we should all spend more time enjoying it and less time worrying about the money and presents and food.
I know what you mean, Sarah. Christmas never fills me with undiluted joy. I don’t have kids myself but have long felt that Xmas is actually for them; for adults, it’s just an excuse to overspend and overeat. It’s a time that far too many people get stressed and depressed about. For many, it’s a very sad time – the homeless, for example, the bereaved, inpatients in hospitals, those living on their own who will not have any visitors. It’s definitely not all “Hoh, hoh, hoh!”.
Definitely – perhaps if I had kids myself as well it would be different, but I don’t so.. It just seems to be a day where everyone overindulges for no reason really and so many people are left alone with nowhere to go to see someone, as everyone is home. It just doesn’t feel right to me.
Thanks for this post – sorry to hear you have had some mental health difficulties. I’ve been battling anorexia for 4 years so christmas is a very difficult time for me due to the food and diet talk post christmas. I have been working with my support worker and nurse to think of strategies and ways to cope. I really appreciate your awareness of christmas and mental health. thank you xx
I can’t imagine how hard Christmas is for you, I am glad you have a support worker, who is helping you through it. Anorexia really is such a misunderstood illness in many ways so sending your gentle hugs. xx
I enjoy Christmas because it’s all about my children, last year we spent Christmas in hospital with my boy Charlie 2 who was very poorly so hopefully this year he will be healthy
Oh bless, I hope Charlie has an amazing Christmas this year at home!
Christmas can be tough as there is a preconceived idea that everyone else is mega happy, but the reality is not the case. My daughter died recently and the first Christmas was sheer hell, xmas songs blasting out in shops, all on tv, mega happy people going on about family and kids. I spent most of the day locked in the loo crying not wanting to ruin everyone elses day. Anyway focusing on the future and the positives – I have found by doing a ‘mindfulness’ course to be the best way to deal with my sadness, depression, and even my personal health issues, I am in constant pain with Fibromyalgia. Mindfulness gives you coping tools to deal with it all. So if you are looking for a more holistic answer I can recommend mindfulness as a solution. There are books, apps for your phone, and courses.
I cannot at all imagine what it is like to not have your daughter around at Christmas I am so sorry.
I will definitely have a look at some apps I’m all for a holistic approach, yes meds help to a degree but I long ago leant for the most part I need to use my own willpower.
This is a really great post, I think it’s so important to remember that sometimes you can be depressed or anxious but there’s no reason behind it. It would be great to know as that would mean you could potentially do something to change the situation but people need to remember that if you say you don’t know that that’s normal and that’s okay
Most definitely I used to hate people asking me why because I didn’t know and that made it worse. These days most people who know me ask if I know why and then leave if it if I say no.
Christmas was tough for me growing up, so I try and make the best of it now I have kids of my own. We have a relaxing day and don’t put any pressure on to make it extra speciail
Holidays can be such a difficult time for so many. It can be a time of heartache, despair and depression. Thanks for opening up and sharing.