My Life Looks Nothing Like I Thought It Would

When I was younger, I thought I had a pretty good idea of what my adult life would look like.

I’d go to university, have a career, travel, have children and pets, and hopefully have a nice community of friends and family around me.

Well… that didn’t quite go to plan.

Some of the differences are things I can laugh about. Others I still mourn and probably always will.

I don’t think everything has to happen for a reason. Sometimes life just doesn’t turn out the way you thought it would.

I Was Going to Be an Archaeologist

From a really young age, I wanted to be an archaeologist.

I loved history and imagined travelling around historical places and somehow making a career out of it.

Life got complicated during my teens and I spent time in hospital for my mental health. When I finally made it to university in my early twenties, I actually went more towards criminology, while doing lots of history for the honours side.

I was volunteering too and finally felt like I was getting somewhere.

Then my physical health deteriorated.

I never finished university and I never had the career I thought I would. I still mourn that.

I always thought I’d have children too. That’s something I still find incredibly difficult to talk about, so I’m going to leave it there.

Not everything needs a positive spin.

Life in a Break Down Was Never the Plan

There was a point when Ash was going to work every day and I was mostly in bed or lying on the sofa doing nothing.

I was depressed and I’d pretty much given up.

Eventually, Ash gave me a bit of a kick up the bum and told me I needed to find something.

That something ended up being Life in a Break Down.

It wasn’t meant to become anything.

Nobody was supposed to read it. 😂

It was just somewhere I could write down one good thing that had happened each day. A little record for me.

And somehow… it’s still here.

LIABD isn’t my “true purpose” or something I was always meant to find.

It was an alternative when the life I’d planned wasn’t possible anymore.

Some Things Changed in Much Smaller Ways

Thankfully, not every surprise adulthood threw at me was quite so life-changing.

For instance, I thought I’d have a lovely minimalist, neat and tidy home.

Instead, I’ve basically recreated my childhood bedroom. 😂

We’ve got Winnie the Pooh, ghosts, crystals, LEGO, Doctor Who and artwork everywhere. Ash could definitely do without some of it, but bare walls just feel wrong to me.

Fashion has changed too.

I still love a flared leg. Unfortunately, my balance doesn’t.

I love maxi dresses. Wheelchair wheels REALLY don’t.

These days comfort and practicality normally win.

I’ve also discovered the weird adult satisfaction of finding a bargain. I’ll happily pay more when quality matters, but if the own-brand version is just as good, give me that one!

Younger me probably didn’t imagine getting excited about saving a few quid.

Yet here we are.

I’ve Found Different Ways to Do Things

There was a time when I couldn’t imagine reading without holding an actual book.

Even e-readers seemed wrong.

Now I LOVE audiobooks.

It took me quite a while to work out how to make them work for me, but I’m so glad I did.

LEGO has come back into my life too.

I loved it as a child, but with my hands shaking and my dexterity not being great, I thought it was something I wouldn’t be able to do anymore.

Turns out I can.

I just stick to easier builds. BrickHeadz are perfect, as are some of the smaller sets aimed at younger builders.

Who cares what age it says on the box?

I’m building LEGO again.

There Are Things I Still Miss

There are also things I haven’t found another way to do.

I used to love crafts and writing letters.

I particularly loved Postcrossing, where I’d send a postcard to someone randomly chosen somewhere in the world and eventually get one back from somebody completely different.

I met some really interesting people through writing letters and postcards.

I thought I’d do things like that forever.

I can’t now.

I miss it.

Sometimes you just miss things.

This Isn’t the Life I Imagined

I have no idea what younger me would make of my life now.

There are things she’d be incredibly sad about, and I don’t want to pretend otherwise.

But she’d probably be pleased I still love history.

She’d definitely understand why I’ve filled the house with things I love.

And I think she’d be quite impressed that I’ve got back into LEGO.

She’d probably be most confused by Life in a Break Down.

Something I started just to remind myself of one good thing each day is still here all these years later.

It wasn’t the plan.

But, well…

Here we are.

How does your life look different?

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