Taking Some Time for Me
Today I am handing my blog over to the lovely Tracey from One Frazzled Mum, who is here to tell you about why you should take some you time and why you shouldn't allow yourself to feel guilty about it.
Hi, I am Tracey and I blog over at One Frazzled Mum. I am a 37 year old single mum to a 13 year old daughter with a high dependency on chocolate and coffee. I have been writing here for over 5 years now and blogging has reignited my passion for writing. I wrote this post one night after berating myself for daring to take some time out to relax when I had a million and one other things I needed to be doing instead.
Taking Some Time for Me.
It’s around 8 pm. It’s a Friday night, a rather nondescript Friday night to be honest. The weather is a little unpredictable. Cold, a little wet and a storm is on the way. I’ve been home from Zumba for around 15 minutes now. I have dropped my daughter’s clothes off at her nan’s where she is staying and I have picked up a bottle of wine and a takeaway. Salt and Pepper Chicken and Chips. The usual for a Friday night in.
I finally sit down and put the tv on. My body relaxes into the me-shaped mould in my favourite spot as I flick through the Sky channels to find something to watch while I eat my food. The food I am still opening up and drinking the wine that I have generously poured into the glass. I change the channel to Sky movies, I’m not sure which one, and watch an old favourite, Geostorm. I’ve seen it many times but I am just too tired to focus on a new previously unseen film and need something I don’t have to concentrate on.
I am on day 6 of 6 am wake ups.
Of still feeling the after-effects of a weekend of busy activities and extra hours in work. I have been going in at 7 am to help a boss with a frozen shoulder. It’s been a 4 day week of school runs and packed lunches and questions relating to homework and if there is any and if so, has it been done.
A week of putting off the housework in favour of desperately trying to catch up on blog work. A week that saw the arrival of some new furniture for Olivia’s room. Something we have desperately needed since the beginning of the year. A week of exhaustion and business. Of work and parenting, disrupted sleep and early mornings.
But as I allow my relax to relax why do I feel the guilt washing over me?
You know the one. That little voice in your head saying ‘hold on, what about all those things you said you were doing tonight? What about the washing, and the dishes? The clothes you need to sort for Olivia to put away in her new wardrobe and the blog reviews that need writing? What about, what about, what about?’
Those words whirred around and around in my head as I sipped (gulped) my wine and hungrily devoured my takeaway food before it went cold. ‘You have so much to should you really be sitting here doing nothing?’ It never ends does it? The mute button seems to be broken on that nagging voice in my head. the one that loves telling me of all my failings and of all of the things I should be doing instead of eating, drinking and listening to the end of the world film blaring from my tv.
But that night, the voice went ignored.
That voice didn’t have my best interests at heart. And of all the things I wanted to listen to on my Friday night, that voice came way below literally everything else I could think of to listen to. But why is it there?
The washing could be done another day, there was nothing I needed to be cleaned urgently. The dirty dishes and messy bedroom could be tackled another day. So why was I still feeling like a failure because I wasn’t dedicating every second of my child-free time to clean my house before my child came home the next day? Why?
Don’t we have enough pressure on ourselves from literally everywhere else without subjecting ourselves to it from inside our very own heads? You can’t pour from an empty jug. If you have nothing left inside you to give to squeeze out, where do you stop? Where do you draw the line and say no! Enough is enough?
Self-care is becoming something more and more of us are talking about and less of us are practising. Self-care isn’t booking a night away or purposely going out of your way to make time for yourself. It is more than that but also less at the same time. It is about us, all of us, individually.
It is saying no, I am taking this time for me now.
I needed to take the time to fill my jug and recharge my batteries. Whether it is 10 mins before the school run pick-up to sit down with a cup of tea or an hour-long indulgent bath. You can’t be the best you if you have no more of you to give. We need to stop being so hard on ourselves and trying to be perfect and do it all, all of the time and do what is best for our physical and mental health.
So whether you are that single mum who has been up all night with a child that just won’t sleep and are taking 5 minutes to cry in the kitchen into your 5th coffee of the day whilst your child is absorbed in their favourite tv show, or you are using your alone time to indulge yourself with your favourite show and a slice of cake. Do it. Take the time and look after you. Be kind to yourself.
My jobs? They got done the next morning.
All of them. I ate the food, drank the wine and watched the film. I fell asleep before 10.30 and was awoken by the wind and rain at 6.30 am. After a deep (and alcohol-induced) 8 hour sleep.
All those jobs I felt bad for not doing the night before, were swiftly taken care of before my 11 am shift at work. I even managed to clean the under sink cupboard and shoe unit. All floors got hoovered brushed and mopped and as I sit here writing this post the night after, my house is spotless. I am finishing off the wine having fed myself and my daughter. That nagging voice is still here telling me I should really get all of our uniforms washed and ironed for Monday, but you know what, it can wait. It is waiting, until the morning. Because whilst I am still technically working as I sit once more in my favourite spot on the sofa writing this post. My daughter is upstairs watching god only know what and right now I am watching Ninja Warrior UK because I know filling my jug is more important than rushing to have our clothes cleaned right now. Because self-care is important. Not just to me but to all of us.
Because you do deserve it. We all deserve it.
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‘me time’ used to be such a luxury when the boys were little. But now that they are all grown-up and not at home most of the time, I have too much time for myself!
I believe you should if possible take time for yourself, some me time does you the world of good
A wonderful take on self care, and what it really means; thank you. We need to not only treat others with as much kindness as we would want ourselves, but treat ourselves with as much kindness as we treat others.
Allowing time for yourself is so important!
It can be hard to get over the hurdle that you cannot afford to have this time for yourself, whether it be things at home or at work. But I’ve been reading many articles that say it is important for health!
My time for me is soap time on TV but usually the kids are running riot at this time
Great article us women shouldn’t feel bad about taking time out.
I find switching off to be the hardest. Sometimes writing it all down below. Then I do something for me.
I definitely have the guilt that I should always be doing something and find it very hard to just relax or do something just for me, I’d love to change that.
You have a really great point. They say you can’t pour on an empty cup. There’s nothing wrong with prioritizing yourself too.
Being a parent I struggle to find ‘me time’ however I am getting better at planning some time in, it’s so important
Taking time for yourself is essential to your success. You need to refuel yourself before helping others. You can’t run on empty.
What a great post, I totally agree with you, we all need to take a break, I have three children aged 14, 6 and 2, their dad had a heart attack last year and as a result has heart failure and needs a transplant, I am constantly on the go, our 2 year old daughter had her 1st afternoon in nursery today 12.30 until 3, my friend picked me up and we went for lunch, it was so over due and nice to be away from home and all the worry and stress for a few hours xx
Self-care is so important, but something I definitely struggle with. I know I should forget about the trivial little things that ‘need’ doing every now and then and just take some time out, but I feel so guilty when I do! I need to learn to do better I think. Otherwise I’ll run myself into the ground 🙁
Louise x
I find it so hard to take time out, I suffer badly with guilt about what I ‘should’ be doing, but I tell others that they need to take time out for themselves to be more effective as parents when I’m working in my local Children’s Centre.
I think us women are so programmed to look after others we often come last. I am not afraid to turn down work now or say I can’t do something as I was doing too much a while ago
Love the message in this article. Can be easy to burn out, so always good to take for yourself xx
Really lovely post. We all have those guilt feelings and we shouldn’t. I look at taking time to myself as “recovering”. If we don’t we just make ourselves exhausted which can lead to becoming unwell. Thanks for the post Tracey. It was just what we all needed to hear.
Today I took time off for myself, sometimes it’s much needed. Allowing yourself down time is important.
Oh this is so timely!
i have six kids still at home. This weekend one of my littles was sick and my husband was working. I spent a lot of time unplugged and just laying with him.
The house needed my attention. The laundry was piled up. There was work to do.
I ignored it all and rested my mind! It was so worth it!
Great article. Taking care of yourself is so important. Thanks for this helpful and friendly reminder. It’s something we all need.
I don’t take enough time for myself, and like now, I am paying for it because I am sick with an awful cold. We really need to have balance in our lives.
No matter how busy our lives get, we should always find space for me-time, it’s the time to reflex and recharge.
We can’t take care of others without taking care of ourselves.
We have to do this for ourselves so that we can be better for those around us. I plan on doing this during the summer since I won’t have to take kids everywhere
Oh, it’s so important to take some time for yourself once in a while! But it’s so hard to find that time!
I agree that you need to take some time to yourself too. I do that often or I don’t think I’d be able to handle working all the time. It’s nice to make some time for yourself too.
I am the last on the list in my house too
I struggle with the guilt when it is finally time to relax. I finally told my husband that I need a night off of the mental load. He asked for specifics that could help me do it and it worked.
I did this yesterday and spent the day feeling guilty. So a wasted day. NEXT time I am going to not feel guilty and enjoy the time.
I agree, self-care is important. I make sure to have my ME time. I’m actually having my ME time now and it feels great!
It’s too easy to sit there allow the guilty thoughts to sip in and make us miserable instead of enjoying the quiet moment.
Guilt-free self-care is such a must! Five minutes, ten, or even an hour can make a big difference.
It is so important to take time for yourself – self-care should never insinuate guilt and I myself am totally guilty of that. Your post has truly inspired me!
Such a great article. I think it is easy to forget to take some time for yourself. I also like the idea of waking up at 6am every day – although, not sure I could do it!
I think it is always good to take a little me time, even if it is just five minutes a day. It helps keep me calm to know I’ve got those few minutes to myself.
I’ve learned that it’s so important to take some “me time” I try to plan days. However, most of the time it’s on a whim.
There is always something to be done, I take great pleasure in ignoring it at least once a week!
Self-care is so important. This topic has recently been coming up again and again. As women, as mothers, we need to stop feeling guilty about taking a break from the hectic family schedule and on a regular basis find beautiful ways to relax and pamper ourselves. We deserve it!
I completely get you about the guilt – We are so programmed that we should never be seen to completely relax and switch off.
It’s so important to set time aside for yourself. I know I make sure to do it. Otherwise I will lose my mind. I make sure I say no too. If I don’t want to do something, I won’t.
I needed this today! I had an extremely busy weekend and I’m really wanting to take the afternoon off for some me time. I had about decided to just work through it but I’m going to finish up what has to be done and taking some me time. Thanks!
Great article – it’s very easy to neglect yourself whilst running around after others.