How to Keep the Memory of a Loved One Alive as you Grieve

Losing someone you are close to can be one of the most difficult things any of us ever has to go through.

Whether it is a family member or a close friend, it is something we will all be confronted with at one time or another. But that doesn’t make the shock and pain of grief any less when we do encounter it.

We all deal with grief in different ways. But one of the things that most experts agree is that coping with loss requires us to confront it in some way.

All too often, people try to suppress their feelings. That includes trying to push away memories of the person they have lost because they find it too painful to think about them.

But this is the equivalent of trying to make a problem go away by pretending it doesn’t exist.

Internalising grief, and trying to avoid our natural emotions, can mean it eats away at us from the inside, potentially sparking serious long-term mental health issues like depression or anxiety.

That is why counsellors advise that memories are such an important part of the grieving process.

Rather than avoiding those memories because they remind you of what you have lost, it is much better to put them at the centre of how you grieve.

Yes, it hurts. But you learn to deal with the pain, and over time the joy of those memories takes over, helping you to come to terms with your loss.

So, what can you do practically to use memories of a loved one to help you as you grieve? Here are three simple tips.

Create a memory box

Memories ultimately live in our heads, but we are very good at connecting them to physical things.

Collecting little keepsakes of a person who has passed away helps to keep the emotional connection alive.

They can be possessions that were particularly important to them, items that remind you of the good times you shared, and of course, photographs are ideal. Collect them all together and make a memory box.

Then, whenever you find yourself thinking of that person or feel overwhelmed by your emotions about their passing, find a quiet moment to go through the memory box, find something to smile about, and that way gradually use pleasant memories to ease your grief.

Set up a book of condolence

Another thing specialists say is not to keep your grief private.

The more you can talk about it, the more you can share it with other people, the quicker you tend to come to terms with things.

One of the reasons for this is that it helps to realise that other people are going through the same thing. A great way to share grief is to set up a book of condolence at the memorial service or wake.

This gives a large group of people the chance to express their own sense of loss, helping you to realise you are not alone.

It is also an opportunity for people to share their favourite memories of the deceased, adding to your own and perhaps giving you new insights into the person you loved so much.

Get together to build a memorial

The old practice of having an inscribed headstone at the grave of a loved one has become less common as fewer and fewer people are buried these days.

However, the thought behind having a gravestone still applies – the desire to establish a lasting memorial to someone who has passed away, and also to create a focal point for remembering them, a place where you can go to reflect and think.

There are all sorts of options for creating a meaningful memorial to a loved one, from tree planting to plaques on benches to murals and more. It is the sort of thing that is perhaps best planned with friends and family, to give it a communal focus.

Having that special place dedicated to the memory of someone you have lost provides a physical, lasting symbol that you won’t let them be forgotten, that their memory matters, and that in itself can help you get through your grief.

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